Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate…when you are dealing with a toddler, this is their main means of attack- wear down the parental units until they achieve what they desire (plus any additional goodies that they now require to calm themselves down from a self-induced tantrum). What is most infuriating about getting sucked into these situations is that they are easily preventable! So let’s put some well-known words of wisdom to good use and, “pick and choose our battles.”
For children, there is nothing more upsetting than having something (that they perceived to be theirs) taken away. So knowing this, let’s not put ourselves in the position of having to take something away, but instead only offer options that we are willing to provide. I know that I have briefly mentioned this in past posts, but it is so important that I figured it would be a wise idea to further expand on this idea. A good example that quickly comes to mind, is trying to placate a screaming child by promising things that you know you might not be able to follow through with. If you are in this situation, take a moment to think about which tantrum you would rather deal with: the one you are in right now, or a future one that could quite possibly be worse. Children will eventually cry to the point of exhaustion or scream until their vocal chords will not allow them to scream any longer. So you can either wait them out, or devise a fail-safe plan to alleviate the situation. Being the negotiators that they are, children are always willing to accept a bribe, so try to make it one that is interesting enough to get their attention, but simple enough that you do not need to spend a lot of money or promise them ice cream for a week.
I realize that some children are easier than others, so you need to observe your child and see what it is that they highly prize. For some kids, it can be as easy as promising them an extra book before bedtime, and for others is could be a special bike ride that just the two of you take (or it could be playing monster trucks or princess dolls for hours- the choice is yours). Just make sure that you follow through with your decision, otherwise they will realize that your promises are empty and they will throw a longer and more difficult tantrum the next time. Remember that your child is smart and they will figure you out. They know that if you say you will put them on time out, take away their toys, or make their bedtime earlier they are in trouble…but they will only feel the effects of the punishment when you follow through. If you threaten to do something, but do not actually do it, you are training your child to believe that they are capable of getting away with bad behavior. Please do not be that parent. Take the time, make the effort and follow through with your choices. This is how your child will learn where the boundaries lie and just how far they can push them (and hopefully you don’t let your child push them too far).
So to simplify, here are the pointers that I believe you should be taking away from this post:
· Always follow through with what you tell your child- so make sure it is a promise you can keep
· Observe activities or interests that your child particularly enjoys, so you can use it as a means to redirect unwanted behavior (and once again- make sure it is something you will not mind doing, or it is unlikely that you will stick to your word)
· Be consistent in your actions – if you do not follow through (even a few times) your child (much like a predator, haha!) will detect your weakness and strike again. In other words, if they don’t see the boundary they will assume you don’t either
· Try NOT to negotiate with a toddler, because 9 times out of 10 they will win – instead, try to prevent negotiating situations by providing them with two options (both of which you have already approved, and both that are appealing to your child)
I hope some of this information helped, and if not, just let me know and I’m sure I can rustle up some more ideas for you! Keep up the good work, parents!
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