Rewarding Behavior

Everyone needs a little motivation now and then, but when do small rewards turn into enabling gifts? It is very hard to draw the line with children between what they are and are not allowed to have. As a parent, you want to give your child the world, but you know that doing so may result in an overly spoiled and perhaps, ungrateful child. So lets take a look at a couple simple ideas for how to best reward and praise your child without creating a greedy goblin.
(By the way, I like alliteration- I hope you do too! And no, I do not believe children really behave like goblins, I just thought it was a funny mental picture that accurately alluded to "greedy" behavior).

Enough with small talk, lets get started, shall we? Has anyone ever heard of a Motivational Calendar? If you have- brownie points for you! And if not, I am more than happy to share. Motivational calendars are visual cues for children that help them gauge their behavior (on a daily basis) and show them how it will affect their free time. You can use stickers, stamps, tattoos, or just draw on smiley faces or stars - but the BIG idea is to let your child know how you think their day went. To make this moment more communal, I would suggest asking your child how they think their day went and if they think they should earn a reward point. This allows them to reflect back on their day, their behavior, and their interactions while allowing them to problem solve issues they may have faced.
*If your child did not have a stellar day, but they showed genuine regret for their behavior or if they can explain how they should handle a situation in the future, I would play the Nice Parent role and give them a reward. It is a motivational calendar, after all- so motivate 'em!
At the end of each week, you and your child can count up their reward points together and choose from a list that you pre-approved of fun activities for you two do! This is probably one of the easiest and most fun ways to keep your child focused on demonstrating good behavior- but as with all things, this idea is not perfect and depending on your child, you may be met with resistance. So, lets explore some more options!

If your child is one for immediate results, then a motivational calendar might not be best suited for him or her. Instead, you need to find something inexpensive that will help them realize the connection between their good behavior and a Simple Reward. For children at my work, I use lotion as a quick means to motivate and redirect my kids. For the girls, it's "Princess Lotion" and for the boys its just "The Purple Stuff." I always have on hand a travel size bottle of Johnson & Johnson's Melt Away Stress Lavender & Chamomile Lotion (I promise this is not a shameless plug, its just what I have been using for several years now). The kids like the lotion because it's purple in color and it smells amazing! I also like that it is gentle on their skin since some of the children have eczema and other skin irritations, so it's perfect!
Anyway, all I have to do is ask the children to clean-up, line-up, go potty, brush their teeth, etc. and if they seem distracted, I offered a small dollop of lotion. It works like a charm! And it creates much less of a mess than handing out individual stickers to young children (because those stickers usually end up in their mouths or on the floor within a thirty minute period). The main idea of this type of motivation is to find something simple that will trigger an instant response in your child, while not being something that is extravagant enough from them to launch into hysterical, tantrum-like behavior over. Take some time to think it over, watch your child and see what they really like (lip balm, lotion, or hand sanitizer-my kids like this one too!).
VERY IMPORTANT: Please, please, please do NOT use food as a motivational reward. You do not want your child to grow up thinking that junk food, candy, sweets, or any meal should be a reward. This can actually end up creating eating disorders and promote unhealthy eating habits (and even promote over-eating) in children. So please be careful when you think you want to give your child a food item as a treat for good behavior.

As always, take the time to think about what will work best for your child before you dive in head first. You know your child inside and out and I'm pretty sure you already have a good idea about which of these options will be the best bet for your child. Also, please remember that learning opportunities are not possible without the presence of failure, so allow your child to make mistakes and try not to get too upset if things don't pan out immediately. Keep up the good work all you marvelous parents! Until next time...