Redirection, the New Discipline?

While working at my CDC (Child Development Center) I have been implementing techniques approved by the U.S. Navy for the children in our care. One major protocol that has been in place for the past several years has been a little technique called, "redirection," and let me tell you - it is definitely not my personal favorite!


In order for you to understand what I do not like about redirection, I should probably let you know what it specifically entails. Redirection is a technique that is used to (obviously) redirect a child when they are demonstrating a behavior of which you do not approve (i.e. hitting, screaming, pushing, not sharing, etc.). In theory, this should be a great technique- you are only using positive guidance, you are keeping the situation calm and demonstrating swift mastery over your child's undesired behavior...sounds good, right? I thought so, until I tried (repeatedly) to redirect a child whose only desire was to hit other children over the head with dense wooden blocks. At that point, I had to try a different and more effective technique- approach the problem head-on. 


With children, if you ignore their behavior, good or bad, they will repeat it. Those sweet little words of wisdom telling adults to ignore a child's poor behavior thereby forcing them to stop their attention-getting behavior, is not always accurate. It depends on the child- it always depends on the child.


For some children receiving attention, be it positive or negative, is crucial to their existence. They need to feed off of your response and they need to see a reaction in order to gage their perceived level of importance. If your child sounds like they fit this description, then it would probably work in your favor to ignore their negative outbursts and focus solely (and enthusiastically) on their positive efforts. But for those whose children seem unaffected by your lack of attention or excessive happiness at their successes, a firm hand is needed. And by "hand" I'm not talking about physical force or child abuse, I mean a firm voice, strong body posture, and consistent consequences.


Raising children is not an easy job, and disciplining them can be even harder, especially when you are tired of being the bad guy. But realize that those certain moments when you are given the opportunity to let their behavior slide or follow through with a specific punishment (I'll go over that later), consistency will always be the right choice. If nothing else, your child needs you to be consistent, otherwise they will constantly test you to find out just where their boundaries are drawn. I know it may not be easy, and you might not always want to do it, but think about yourself and decide if you want to spend a couple nights out of the week (for several weeks to a couple months) preventing and correcting your child's behavior, or a lifetime of on-going battles with your child. In comparison, the time you put in now will more than make up for itself later. When your child knows what they can and cannot get away with, they will grow less and less likely to push the envelope. It will take time, but I know you can do it. Be the best parent you can be, and do it for you and your child.


Discipline Tips
*I realize that the wording sounds uncomfortable and you don't necessarily want to "discipline" your child, but these tips will help you calm your child down and help prevent future meltdowns when applied consistently.

• Get down on their level, look them in the eye (if they will not look at you, gently cup your hands around the sides of their eyes, giving them nothing else to look at but you), and firmly tell them what you do not want them to do in as few words as possible. Then tell them what you want them to do instead.

Example: "Your hands are not for hitting, I don't like it. Use your nice touches to give him/her a hug."

• Simple and easy, tell them what they did that you did not like and give them a time-out (remove them from the area where they were playing- but do not put them in their room, all their toys are there!). The time-out should only last for as many minutes as they are old.

Example: Your two-year-old has been throwing his/her toys all day, and just broke one. Tell him/her, "I don't like it when you throw your toys, it makes me sad. Lets go sit down together until you can show me how we should treat our things." Since the child is two, make their time-out last two minutes.

• If your child is one for having fits, find a quick and simple distraction that works for them. What I have found to be most helpful is finger play songs. Having them sing a song that involves counting allows them to focus on something else and get their emotions under control.

Example: I worked with a child who was on the Autism spectrum and his outbursts were severe and very frequent. The song that worked best to help calm him down is, "One Little Penny." It's very simple and goes like this, "One little, two little, three little pennies. Four little, five little, six little pennies. Seven little, eight little, nine little pennies. Ten little pennies for me!" It usually took me several verses to get him to calm down, but once he did he could sing the song with me. I've also noticed that repetitive motion really works, so try to rock them or rub their back or encourage to clap their hands or stomp their feet.

• If your child is just an easy-going little person and all it takes is a quick and simple "no," then you are blessed! I'm just kidding. But really, if this is all it takes to get your child to stop an action or behavior that you do not like, than positive redirection is probably your best bet.

Example: Your child is drawing at the kitchen table, and you soon realize that they are no longer only drawing on their paper. In this situation (assuming they are a good listener and really mellow) just tell them, "We do not draw on the table, that is why you have your nice drawing paper," as you readjust their paper in front of them and switch from markers to crayons.


The best advice I can give is to figure out what type of reaction your child best responds to, and build your basic discipline structure around their personality. You know if your child needs to be removed from the situation or if a verbal warning will suffice. Just make sure that you and whoever else is taking care of your child are on the same page, there is nothing more confusing to a child than inconsistency.